Friday, 6 March 2009

Hell Explained!

I get lots of joke emails every day. I presume that most people are getting the same ones as me or I would put the better ones up on here for a bit of light relief. However, I just got one which I really liked... specially for "Crushed" as his posts always make me think too deeply!!!


The following is an actual question given on University of Washington chemistry mid term. 
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? 
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

Tee hee :)


  1. When people refer to Hell freezing over, I like to refer them Dante's Inferno, where the lowest level of Hell is, indeed, a frozen lake...

    I have to admit, bearing in mind Hell only has one judge, or three at most depending on which version you believe, I remain unconvinced that anyone can get time for a fair trial. Unless there is a backlog. Kind of like death row.

  2. Instant judgement is not too difficult if you have the "crimes" defined precisely enough and there's no lying to the Dark Lord!

    I'd love to believe there's a hell.. purely because I know (so far), I'm not going.. but there are a few deserving people that should!